Happy New Year and welcome to 2016! I hope everyone enjoyed themselves and was safe during late night shenanigans. Blog wise, we have hit 1,000 views, which is fun stuff. Thanks for that people. It’s been a while, but I have not forgotten about you all. I’ve gathered my notes, organized my ideas, brainstormed, basically everything but actually write material. No worries though, I know which chapter I will write about and hopefully release it within a week or two :).
This brings me to the contents of the chapter. Depression! This long, scary word affects everyday people around the world. Before you ask, yes, there was a period in my life when I was depressed. Some people do not believe in depression, however, coming from my experience I am here to tell you that it’s real. It’s real, it’s a downer, you drown in sorrow and pity until you wrongfully conclude that you are irrelevant to society and you have no purpose. I’ve been through it all; bottomless pills, comfy couch in the psychiatrist office, wearing a mask of a fake smile, to insomnia wasting my days. I am here to tell you that I beat that shit. It took years but I kicked it to the curb and got back to what I know best: doing me.
For this chapter, I will be going back to 2010, so bear with the mindset of an 18 year old still getting his feet wet. On the surface I was young and ignorant, but still trill as shit. Down below I was an emotional rollercoaster with pipe dreams, trying to fight the good fight, but mentally collapsing from external factors. This is the start of the darkest part of my life and mistakes were made. Luckily, this Leo has nine lives ;). I had not planned to write this chapter yet, but due to certain events I felt compelled to shed some light. So, here we go.
I play a game called League of Legends in my spare time and enjoy watching professional players and other highly skilled peers stream their live games. A certain streamer, who goes by the in game moniker, Hi Im Gosu , recently began to speak during his streams. He is currently in the highest rated division, amassed a large following of fans due to his great attitude, sick gameplay mechanics and is highly respected by the “LOL” community. For about three years, he never revealed his face or even spoke during his live streams until a few weeks ago, when he decided to talk for the first time ever. Listening to his slightly raspy voice he seemed like the happy-go-lucky guy people expected, however, I could tell he was currently living with depression.
On New Year’s, he started up his stream and began to drink. After around 6 or 7 shots, he was really loose, giggly and on the downswing of the alcohol curve. He was telling people to stop donating money to him because it would be a waste of money. Red flags were going through my mind and I was beginning to think he was going to say something he would regret, his name, or shown his face, but he said something worse. He revealed that on January 10th he was planning to commit suicide. With almost 20,000 people watching his stream, he said he was going to kill himself. Shortly after, administrators shut down his stream and there was a period of unrest. Cooler heads prevailed, and he currently seems to be okay, still depressed but perhaps not suicidal anymore. He confirmed that he was in fact depressed, had been suffering for about 8 years and that he decided that he was going to kill himself back in early December.
A tragic day was avoided, even if you do not follow e-sports, a human choosing to commit suicide is an awful selfish act that leaves many people to grieve. Dear Gosu, I hope you feel better man, kids look up to you and I admire your resolve to keep going. I hope you read this and continue to fight your depression.
In closing, I want people to look in the mirror when they get a chance, and tell themselves, “I love you”. Say it out loud and then say it again! If someone you know has told you that they are depressed or if you believe someone is, do not take it lightly and try to be there for them. Everyone is their own case and we do not understand what they are going through or how they feel. What we do know, is that they are friends, family, loved ones, strangers, kiddos, older people who are here now and could be dead tomorrow. Everybody Love Everybody.
P.S. On a semi related note, I have been captivated by the band Nirvana and their front man the late Kurt Cobain. I am not here to say that Kurt was depressed or that his death was or was not a suicide (even though everything about Cobain fascinates me). Only that the music is pretty incredible and gives me energy every day. Some of my favorite songs are About a Girl, Lithium, Dumb, Francis Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle, Heart-Shaped Box, and Something In The Way.
Once Again, I would love comments, feedback, subscribes on the blog or whatever to show support.